Would any good come of it if I wasn’t here?
If fate has its way, my end could be near.
In this moment of confusion it’s so hard to make sense,
I can’t fathom out what is future or past tense.
The mistakes of the past are vivid in my mind,
I am so lost right now I may as well be blind.
Who would benefit if tomorrow I was gone?
Would anyone rejoice if I had seen my last dawn?
I know there will be those who would weep for a while,
My little girl would now walk herself down the aisle.
No father son camp for my young lad and me,
Next to his uncle round the camp fire he’d be.
I’d miss out on so many things I could’ve looked forward to,
Lost forever in a moment of despair, when this seems the right thing to do.
Aside from the fact of everything I’d now miss,
How selfish am I to put those I love through all this.
What if my thinking is incredibly wrong,
I must know before something irreversible is done.
I’m not going to allow my final curtain to come down or the fat lady to sing,
Having thought about it, no good will it achieve, let’s see what tomorrow will bring….
The Darkest Cloud
Dark clouds are forming overhead, a black dog is scratching at my door.
“You’ll get over it” they say, I’m not sure I can take much more.
At every turn is a new challenge,
So much chipping away at me, causing fresh damage.
Friends ask you to promise them that you’re ok.
To appease them, it’s just words you feel you must say.
Guilt is only one of the emotions that you feel,
Remorse, regret, anger, even stupidity, feels irrational yet seems all too real.
You feel so upset your voice can’t even form words.
Others look upon you as if you’re being absurd.
But no one can tell you how you should be.
They’ve not been you, they don’t know what you’ve seen.
So go on and suffer in your own time,
And just have faith that in the long run you’ll be just fine.