You never knew how beautiful you were because you were naive and young.
You never knew how beautiful you were because no one ever told you,
but I knew.
Hate you for how you look.
Hate you for just being you.
ALL YOU KNEW WAS…
Ostracized and crucified because you didn’t look like them.
sweet Uncle, loved you in a way that he shouldn’t have and that was…
hate disguised as love.
And that became a problem.
No one protected you from darkness.
All you wanted was love and to be LOVED.
Self-hate was ingrained in every fiber of your being.
You were sent away and disregarded like an old dilapidated dog ready to be euthanized.
Forgotten about and swept under the rug like crumbs on a dirty kitchen floor.
Out of sight.
Out of mind.
Your problem became me and I was the secret with no one to blame.
No one was willing to accept or acknowledge me and I hated you for that.
Wailing non stop because I knew I couldn’t stay with you.
And you didn’t want me too.
You didn’t want me.
I know you.
I am you.
I arrived and I wasn’t invited.
Swept out of your arms without hesitation or regret.
Self-hate resonating within me and I can’t even talk.
Where can I place the blame?
You? Him? Them?
I blame myself.
Ostracized and crucified because I don’t belong.
I don’t belong to you, or them.
Who am I? I don’t know.
I reject love.
How can I love when rejection is all I know?
I carry my hurt, my pain, my shame with me everywhere I go.
Like an imaginary friend ready to be introduced to the world.
You left this world too soon and with a lot of things left unsaid.
My heart aches for you,
because you were the one person who I thought could have saved me.
How could you save me when you couldn’t save yourself?