I’m only longing for connection.
It’s been like this for over two years.
I used to run in dreams direction,
But now I’m simply walking down the stairs.
I haven’t lived that long but been through plenty.
My journey has begun so long ago.
I write these words to keep grasp on my sanity.
Not sure how much of it is left to show…
I’m desperately longing for connection.
For somebody to see just who I am.
Not stereotype of foreigner reflection,
Not just a wife in shadow of a man.
No human should feel like less of a person.
No soul should feel it lives in golden cage.
No heart should live hiding true emotions.
No mind should scream in burning rage.
I’m drowning, longing for connection,
I’m walking on the mirror’s edge.
No longer see my own reflection,
It has been stuffed behind the stage.
I’m building castles and they burn to ashes,
I’m fighting air flows and typhoons all by myself.
I built, adopt, rebuilt and yet again it crashes.
Will ever be a hand there when I fell?
I’m mourning days when I have felt connection.
I’m missing times when I have felt alive.
I’m done. Enough! I must regain possession
Of making choices and living my own life.
Like Phenix rising from the ashes,
I once again intend to rise and stand.
My eyes will once again regain bright fire flashes.
I’ll fight for life until the very end.
by Polla-Ilariya Kozino