Read Poem: PART-TIME, by Amanda Olejniczak

I’m getting dizzy

From circling the idea of trying to be everything you weren’t

Everything you couldn’t be

Because you were stuck in whatever twisted around and around keeping you entertained

And distracted long enough to keep you from being a good parent

I had to miss out on opportunities because I was never taught to value myself

I’ve found myself sobbing

On the floor

On the edge

Of your bed

In a puddle

In the shower

Wishing I would be held in comfort

I think maybe you never wanted me to begin with

Or maybe you envisioned motherhood being easier

So when it wasn’t

I was left

wondering

wondering

wondering why the hell my head could spin so fast and no one knew how to help me stop it from taking flight

But I think I know now

You don’t know how to care for yourself

So you weren’t equipped to know how to care for me-

Let alone, teach me how to get off the carrousel while you yourself are strapped into it too