Comfort Me, by Saar Arreola

I hav a body
I hav a soul
But I’m not of this world
I don’t belong
People are tainted
And mislead
I’m always gonna be wronged
Where’s the love and compassion
Where’s the kindness and joy
Theres jus death and destruction
Unfairness, corruption, and pain
Why not end my life
And reclaim it for my own
I can’t even see what’s in store for me
I can’t get past this mess
That I continuously see on the TV
With all the assholes that cause the fuckery
My mind gambles with
Who’s gonna be next
Will it be me?
Or my trans friend next to me
Who’s life will be stolen
By the hands of another human
Being human disgusts me
This is not my kind
Humankind is being both
Condescending at the most
I don’t get it
It hurts me everyday
Why the hate?
So I transcend myself
And make my body my own
Agender and proud
To call my body my soul’s home
But I hav to confess
I’m a mess
Why live
Wen I’m going to die anyway
Why go thru this pain
Jus to get thru another day?
Why not jus take my own life
Turn off my lights
So I can go to a peaceful place
N let all the pain fade away
This is selfish
So they say
But in the end
All I hav is myself
So y can’t I do this?
I’m scared
Regardless of my death wish
Wat would happen after I die?
I don’t want God or my family
To think I’m selfish
Or a failure
I don’t want to go to “hell”
But what does the pain n sadness in my heart suggest?
Why live with a mind full of distress
I can’t see what’s in front of me
I can’t think clearly
I don’t know how to do life correctly
I’m aging day by day
Slowly wasting away
Is this wat u call being grown up?
So why do I wait and procrastinate?
Why can’t I do and say things right?
I feel like a waste of space
I feel like why even try
Wen everything I do turns out wrong
I can’t predict the future
I can’t see the end result
How can I go from point A to B wen the path is unknown to me
Take it day by day they say
But procrastination takes place
Then what?
Priorities are a must
It’s hard to make up my mind
Idk what I really want in life
I feel dead inside
N all the bad things I c
Increases this feeling I hav in me
I’m weak
I’m weak
I don’t know how to go about life with this feeling
I know
I need help
But even with help
I can’t see how it’s going to work out for me
How do I change my way of being?
How do I change my thinking?
How can I be more than who I am now?
How can I make my family proud?
For the first time in my life
I need God to comfort me.

Genre: LGBT, Hate, Dark, Sad, Death, Purpose, Life, God