Read Poem by Ntokozo Makeleni

You passed away before me
I was really sure that you’d live another day again
You convulsed and I tried to shake you back to life
I had no idea that you were dying
A last breath I thought would breathe you to life
A last shake I thought was mere discomfort
A last blink I thought sight as usual
And a last sigh I thought was struggle with communication
You were dying and I had no idea
I was never prepared
Never rehearsed
Never knew this is how your ending would be
Never knew this is how endings and deaths look
I kissed you goodbye and thought the grief would leave with you, but it stayed with me
A cold, crippling stream of grief engraved its roots and interconnected through my dna
I was now a fatherless child
A depressed one
A moved, shaken and damaged one
A broken one
A child given loss on a silver platter
Lifeless
I became spoilt goods
Unworthy of a father
Unworthy of your silence
Unworthy of the thoughts and unsaid words in the silence
Unworthy of your embrace again
Unworthy of your wisdom, smile, laughter, cheek kisses and prayer
Lifeless
Speechless
A speechless poet
I can’t even utter a word anymore
Can’t even describe what it felt like
Can’t even bring the therapist to understanding to giving the right diagnosis through my communication
Mute
I hope one day my words will speak me and revive me and give life to a heart as lifeless as mine

Author: poetryfest

Submit your Poetry to the Festival. Three Options: 1) To post. 2) To have performed by an actor 3) To be made into a film.

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