Category: Uncategorized

We are being spurned

When will people learn?

It’s time for concern

Lines have been blurred

Distractions at every turn

Money must be earned

Those with less are scorned

The famous we idolize

Melodrama to entice

Celebrations

Brief vacations

Rollercoaster of vibrations

She called me twice and I did not pick up. Why? I was too pissed at her for snatching my boyfriend.

She did it intentionally. I know it because when we were young I and her boyfriend by then fell for each other and they broke up.

She acted so ok all these years. I thought she had forgiven me and forgotten about the incident.
All along she was packaging her trap.

She now had the audacity to call me.
She thinks everything is about tit for tat. I treasured her and it wasn’t my fault that her by then boyfriend loved me. Even then she had obstructed his focus on me to herself.

The stars were on my side when he told me everything and we started the journey of love. Though it didn’t last long. It was worth it.

Am beating myself up for not picking up her phone calls earlier because of that childish reason. I called it betrayal but what is happening now is true betrayal.

She is no more. Dead. Gone with the winds. What really happened I can’t tell but I let her down. She trusted me to save her but I was filled with pride thus ignoring her calls.

She needed the best friend she had in me despite our differences but I failed her. She is probably with the angels now or wherever destiny put her. Probably she regrets trusting me with her life.

I heard from my ex – the one she snatched that she was eight months pregnant and wanted to spend her last pregnant days with me. She had left the house in such a hurry.

She didn’t see the other car coming from the other side. Within seconds, she was no more. Will you ever forgive me my bestie? I don’t deserve your forgiveness but am truly sorry.

How I wish I had put my pride aside and answered your call. Maybe we would have talked things out and resolved them. Maybe I would have told you to stay at home and I come for you.

The innocent baby is also gone.
Am eaten up with guilt and blame.
I don’t know what to do. Am ashamed to have been called your bestie because I failed you.

My heart is so heavy. My eyes are too swollen. I have no more tears to shed. Am just empty and lost hoping you would forgive me for not being there for you when you needed me.

Not seeing pretty you to fight with and have laughs with anymore is going to be too much for me but maybe I deserve the heart wrenching pain or maybe not.

Your fiancee – my ex boyfriend has told me to forgive myself as it would be what you would want for me BUT it’s too hard. How can I live past the knowledge that I caused your death?

Please, tell me, how can I? Maybe if you tell me that you have forgiven me, then, I would find a little bit of peace. I am going to miss you forever.
Pride kept us apart.

What we had between us all became broken ties when we chose to betray the trust we so much valued just for the sake of love. We thought living apart was it, forgetting we had a stronger bond.

I can’t say how much am to miss you but I regret all the times we quarrelled and fought and turned our backs to the fights and left things unresolved. Had we known better, we would have been living the kind of life we dreamt of.

A life of pure bliss and fulfillment.
But that is now a dream lost.
One day I will get to meet you again and we will get to do all that we planned together but for now I wish you a nice sleep my bestie.

Am trying so hard to heal and live a better life for us. I know you are watching over me and sending me your warmth. Take care till we meet again. But, before you go. Can I have him back?

Fill me with moonlight,
I am feeling alright.
Now let us be the cool kids,
Until we watch the night rests.

Let us own a tree house,
All the plants and cats dogs.
Looking at the roof top,
Making plans to laugh loud.

Fill me with moonlight
Oho..

Whisper secrets, no one knows
Pull me closer, oh my love
Mute and mystic moonlight
Pull me closer, oh my love

Waves, sand and magic !
Waves, sand and magic !
Waves, s.a.n.d and m.a.g.i.c !
waves…

Fill me with the moonlight
I am feeling alright.
Fill me with the moonlight
Oho …

Right upper cut

Jerks the head backwards

Forward left jab

Throws his face sideways

Another right to the eye

And he blacked out

Ten seconds on the canvass

And he was knocked out

Buried at the third round was his career

One man’s funeral music

Is another’s victorious cheer

Eyes bulging like a wet frog’s

Tears, blood and sweat mixed together

And it hurts more

As they announced the winner

I trashed my dinner

Dear Lord, I’m a sinner

Don’t take my debts to the cleaners

My dirty bad habit is calling for my neck

I rolled the dice on a loser

And there goes the winner’s check

The grim reaper is now my time keeper

My door bell rings and the sound gets deeper

Voices I recognized adrenaline me to the window

Ready to jump

Fresh breeze as the wind blows

Still trying to jump

A kick to the door

Becomes their password

Obeying instinct and gravity

I hit the ground with a thud

Velocity spoke to my legs

And they ran

Thought it was all over

But the night has just begun

Cellphone rings

They got my girlfriend

Stupid as it seems

She is just my girlfriend

Started a long walk

Back to Satan’s kitchen

It used to be my crib

Now they’ve got me wishing

That I never place bets with a big loan

Now Mr. Jackson’s thugs

Will never leave me alone

I had promised to pay

After the fight night

The bookmaker probably let out the word

That I place a huge bet to the world

Now it’s all turning

Into a fright night

I got back slowly to the house

And knocked soft

The door was opened fast

And the welcome was rough

Fist flew into my face,

My back and my stomach

The beating was grand

Way off the mark

“I’ve got the fifty grand”

I yelled to fight back

My girlfriend was tied

To a chair and gagged

The beating ceased

And the boys relaxed

“Let my girl go”

“But where is the dough” they asked

“I won’t say a word

Until you let the girl go

You’ve got me

And I’m the one with your dough”

“Fred, you don’t get to make the rules

Around here

And luckily for you I’m old school

With grey hair

The girl of course is collateral damage

Where’s my money?”

Queried Mr. Jackson with rage

Face down, I prayed for an earthquake

Or better still a wild hurricane

Heaven answered my prayers

With four big bangs on the door

“It’s the police,

Open the bloody damn door”

Mr. Jackson’s street rules were useless

His boys looked so dumb and clueless

Panic attacked their ego, so careless

They became vegetables, so helpless

Furiously, the cops burst in

On the TV screen, news just in

The boxing match has been cancelled

And dismissed

The winner was arrested

And of his titled stripped

His opponent, my bet

Was pronounced dead

Food poisoning was the cause

The autopsy cleared

A smile gave my bloody face

A weird look

My girl was loosed

But she had a sorry look

I rushed to hug

And comfort her

She pushed

And slapped me really hard

I tried to plead

But she will not heed

I blame my greed

She was hurt indeed

And now she’s gone

My debt is done

The battle is won

The fear has gone

I had called the cops

On my way back

Mr. Jackson cursed, puffed and shout

As the cops cuffed his boys and pushed them out

I cashed the fifty thousand

The next day

And fell in love

With a horse named blue jay

I lost twenty thousand

When blue jay broke my heart

Went back home and packed

From town for a while

I had to depart

If life is a game

I’ll gamble it all

Drink to my win

Or miserable loss

Prologue
This orb or ours we oft abuse,
whence came the bang?
Who lit the fuse?

Canto One
O, lost of homeward eyes,
seeking upon the mocking skies,
where can be seen the founding plan,
or why or where it all began?

Out there somewhere is Genesis denied,
on some other world yet untried?
A Garden of begets without the sin,
a new Eden to begin again?

Chosen to be blessed and Festooned,
or orphans of creation forever marooned?
Is there truth in books took from shelves,
dried of words, we wrote ourselves?

Words of heavens to abide?
Or maybe not, if Adam lied.
Who are we? Where do we belong?
Is Earth our home or is our Earthsong – wrong?

Canto Two
So, yearning hearts and hopeful eyes,
seek upon the mocking skies.
No fear of what might be out there.
What might scare someone from here?

There is no fear that will stop us from knowing,
why life advances or ceases going.
Is it so that silver might buy another lie,
to crucify the other guy?

Or gold might drop,
upon a counter top.
To bind and seal,
a bloody deal?

The soul aches to know and the mind to find,
what in heaven or hell left us behind.
To know is why, you and I, so very soon,
on warm July, flew the earth and walked the moon.

Canto Three
Does anyone care out there?
Are we alone upon this sphere?
Is this all there is and ever will be,
we alone, in splendid singularity?

We of the midnight power,
holding at bay the midnight hour,
counting down the doomsday wait,
inside a burning house by a broken gate.

Canto Four
For what reason,
was God, man for a season?
Is there such worth,
upon the earth?

Here it’s plain to see,
only traces of divinity.
Not God? Then what?
Out of nothing is not.

Are there worlds far away,
where gods mold other clay?
Some golden universe,
not seeking us?

Perhaps by other measures,
our souls are not treasures,
but spirits of chance meant to be,
castaways, forever adrift, on a lonely sea.

And if we saw the truest light,
cutting through the distant night,
would we run away and hide,
or welcome strangers to abide
For hard it would be,
for us to see,
to understand,
some distant land,

When among the being,
within our seeing,
that we can touch – we don’t touch, very much.

Canto Five
And weary as we all are,
long-turning a burning star,
who knows, but that it glows to warm some other place.
And may someday, go away to warm another space.

Or do we trust that we must, by heavenly decree,
be ever warmed by the firestar, just because we are?
On any god-talk wherever gods might walk, is it said: humankind is rising – or humankind is dead?

Which Earthsong
is wrong?
Do we belong outbound on some unseen sea,
or probing inside for our destiny?

Perhaps we are, as we have decided, with reason and with rhyme,
casting lots upon the blankets of our time,
the fairest and the best of all the rest, and there is nothing anywhere,
that would dare compare to our sphere?

The answer is as old as history.
We seek where lies life’s mystery.
Is it upon the near or far.
The closest moon or the furthest star.

Desperate souls seek to see
the source of creation’s majesty.
To be redeemed out of Nod
and look upon the face of God.

FIN

There’s a myriad of things I’d change.

Those drinks with Levi were enough
and I came home just the right amount of giddy
and sleepy to climb into bed
but I guess they weren’t
and I ended up in yours instead,
strangely confident with a stranger
and interlocked in her body too
I let myself spill then
only to lie about the mess
when I left the next morning.

I’d change the fact I ever went in the first place –
but wouldn’t dare fix the way
I watched you make coffee
or bacon that goes in the oven
and how you season your eggs halfway done
and did you know I still do that too?
I’d change the child in me when I didn’t know how to speak
Stomped over hills of dirty snow j
ust to get away
from all the words I never learned to fully say –
that I wasn’t mad at you,
that I was scared of being too much
or maybe not enough
or maybe just not what you were looking for
and so through your door seemed like a better option

I’d let the steady time stay just the same,
in fact I’d add more freeze frames at the parts
I still remind myself to remember.
I felt like I was flying holding your hand
and I never knew there was romance
hidden in discussing the superiority of sauce
but somehow for you, it’s ranch.
I couldn’t even conceive of
washing someone else’s hair,
not with the care of my own routine
yet I found serenity in
shampooing the strands of yours with a swiftness
I’d change letting myself get
so tangled in your web
because maybe then I’d be prepared
for when I fell out of it so abruptly

Only I’d need minutes –
since it took seconds
to process how much I loved your laugh
and how much power
came out your lungs in the morning.
How endearingly bad
can you sing that one song again?
I can’t bear to listen to it anymore
or go to sleep much actually –
not without the warmth of your chest
Neither can I light that candle
or sip out that bottle
or not think of that sweatshirt
still drenched in your scent
but stuffed so far in my closet I’d have to fight just to get to it
I won’t.

I’d change how much of myself

I felt around you –
maybe then I’d have a little me leftover now
me left to give to my friends
who don’t know how much i gave to you –
how much my refusals to hang out
are shrouded in your absence
all my comfort
my nakedness
my hunger
my thirst
my desire
my affection.
I wet my toothbrush next to yours
ran our showers
spent countless hours
honing in on the very human woman
i knew that I can be –
but always alone
and never in company.
I did that with you,
so casually
so easily.

Remember that dude at the Walgreens
who hates his job?
Or all the people
with their very separate lives
and how intently we watched
from the window?
Or how we kissed in the grass
only to laugh at how much
we couldn’t grasp
the moving world around us?
What about the call –
I fell asleep,
you were drunk
and honest
and only wanted to hear my voice
you said
you only wanted to listen to me speak
How about when you told me you’d leave
but that turned into dinner
and then into scooping me
off the couch, into your arms
and off to bed?
Or how you always saved
all the Mochi just for me
even though you’d kill for something sweet

I’d change the way my brain
lingers on it all –
How it allows me to fall
just as quickly
and abruptly as before
It likes to travel to the realm
where we’re still just as real
That’s why it’s been hard to heal

Sometimes I’m okay.

Sometimes I can’t do anything
but sink into how much
I miss you

With all the changes
there’s one thing I’d never touch –
How much I’d been taught to love

Not like I have before,
sitting humans up on shelves
I couldn’t reach
never blinking at their flaws
while they were stupidly raw

Look,
you’re gross when you eat
mindless when you speak
and selfish
when I need you to fucking listen

I’d change thinking
I want
someone who doesn’t truly
care to know me
because I want know me –
I want to know me deeply
and the way I loved you
was too beautiful for you
to have let float away
I couldn’t make you stay
nor can I really make anyone

At the very end,
after the last period in our sentence
there’s just one thing left

There’s just
a growing

me.

GENRE(S): LOVE/HOPE/HURT/RELATIONSHIPS

Yesterday is gone and there’s nothing left that remains, besides the footprints of memories that are left in memories lane. Time after time I find myself drifting away, back to the days as a child when the world invited me to play. I would laugh for hours about some of the silliest things. Oh, how I yearn for yesterday. But things have changed. Every day seems to consist of haste. No time to do anything too busy moving at an alarming rate. Too busy to smile, too busy to laugh, too busy to slow down and realize we’re moving too fast. We’ve sold all our time for tomorrow before we even began today. And already have next week lived and not realizing how much time is ticking away. But if we could stop and preserve the moment that we have let pass, we would be able to see our lives’ through that timeless hourglass. Every day is made special; every day should bring forth a smile. We’re not entangled up in the cares of this world we’re back in touch with our inner child. Loving, laughing and playing the way we used to play. Oh, how I yearn for yesterday

http://artistsgarden.blogspot.ca/

My hand opens,
Fanning fingers splayed
Before my face.
Like the morning sun
As I wake:
So stressed, my hand, expanded,
Wears wrinkled skin
Flesh separating from bone.
Seen this way it says,
“Stop”
Or
“5,”
miming ancestors’ gestures in ancient caves,
evidence of will pressed on stone,
centuries old intent.
Now aging spots,
not lichen or moss,
speak of time lost or lent.
Then my fingers close on themselves,
fist squeezes a memory of punch,
skin stretches youth back over old bones.
Now open.
Now closed.
Now frail.
Now strong.
Becoming
now my mother’s angry hand
that tells of fear and vanity,
pulling privacy into a hospital blanket,
waiting to be clipped,
or covering lips to mask a laugh.
And later, gripping a cane,
then shielding eyes from shame.
Her hands were rubbed rough with life
and bent with disappointment,
avoiding touch, troubled by others’,
keeping love and hurt at a distance.
Feeling at the extremities
fled early
and at the end
holding those stranger’s hands,
she eluded me.

-Susan L. Brown
2021

Once upon a time is the way it started with
happily ever after the way, I wished it would
have ended just like all the childhood fairy
tales that always promise a knight in shining armor
riding upon his beautiful white horse to save
the day or even a Hero of some sort to slay a
dragon just before he ruined our wedding day
that is, after all, how it is supposed to be, is it
not? Boy meets girl, they kiss, get married, have kids,
then pass on in this life holding the other hand
still in love forevermore. I can still taste her lips
on mine from our very first kiss, just as our
two hearts started beating to the same song, the
same one they had both written together so
long ago and even though she might have
forgotten all the words and maybe even the
beautiful tune, the music still and always will
keep on playing way deep down in my soul
until the end of all time just like the melody
along with all of those memories will forever
play like a full-blown symphony in my mind
even though they all say that time’s supposed
to heal all pain. Mostly that is true
the fact of the matter is I will never get over
you and now you are gone, moving on with
your life as I am stuck trapped somewhere in
the past, yet whenever I hear your name, a smile
appears as my foot taps out a familiar beat
as my feet move like I am dancing in the street
as my hips start to grind at the memories of
making love to you start to find a place in my
heart, causing it to pound out the beat of the
music it used to need every
single night, as I start to think because before
we met our lives up until then were separated
by many miles of land and oceans through all
of the fabric of time, who would have known that
as fate would have it we would meet, causing
all of the falling stars to realign above us creating
an atmosphere of chaos and confusion which
somehow forced us to spend time and feelings
on one another to really get to know each other
that is when we shared all the words to a very
a beautiful song about love like our two
hearts began playing to the same tune beating
out all the rhymes and rhythms while they
were documenting the reasons we should be
together as that is when our souls
got involved then started dancing closely together
under the stars, the moon, heaven, and all of
the angels, above.

My soul grows cold when I let reality take up space
I hate its taste fragility laced and I want to erase it from the books
I’m hooked to frozen in time that’s where my mind finds peace
No intrusions please or you will meet with hands that bleed holding tightly
To what only my heart and God can comprehend
It’s like there is no end and yet I end
Loop over and over again. Lost black hole of dreams
Leaving me and on repeat continuously. They defeat and comfort me.
It’s love and insanity.
Half of me incomplete… beat
Missing pulse. I am lost having loss
In a haze that’s constantly afraid
Of seeing. Because then what’s the meaning when all is leaving and has left
Sometimes I hold my breath
Because the thought is more than I can bare
Or everything that I hold dear…
The affliction of the juxtaposition of joy and pain.
I hurt because I know and yet moments, I wished I hadn’t.
Leaving me breathless in abundant love that could not and cannot sustain tangibly
From dust to dust
It’s too much.
So I retreat into me. Silently.

©Rebel Fleur 2020