What would I do with me, without you?
Do any of us know what might be true?
More than I was, less than I have been,
A part of me missing, no nib in my pen.
Scratching at life, yet, leaving no mark,
Like rubbing two sticks without a spark.
Words are too weak, should I just quit?
Is your sacred fire what keeps mine lit?
If my dreams fleeting, passing clouds;
Will I know wisdom before my shroud?
Sewn into canvas, dropped into the sea,
Buried to nourish a newly planted tree.
Life into death into life, still unknown,
Must know the next life is still our own.
I wonder, the future is all wait and see,
What will you do with you, without me?
Just give up your fear for Lent this year.
Hold up your hands.
Surrender your terror.
Feel the bands of panic
loosen in your chest.
I know. I know!
It’s not the best of times.
But just think about all those
forty days without your silent fear.
Better than cutting out the beer
or chocolate, though
you might think you are
on the path to career suicide
seeing as all these seem to be built
on daily doses of lethal
intimidation.
Think of it as answering
the hero’s call in the desert,
braving storms, fighting demons.
Accept no imitations.
No cross would be too hard to bear,
no thorny shard would prick your resolve
to its conscience’s very quick.
You’d shrug off tax demands,
VAT, NCT, and all those other levies
apocalyptically breaching the banks of some Mississippi.
Nothing would faze your glacial gaze.
You would be as serene as the fat Buddha
sitting in your garden, all smiley
transcendence of suffering’s meaning.
Is fear the fire in the belly?
Or is it what gets us out of bed each morning?
Does it turn us into rabbits made of jelly?
Or acolytes fawning over bullies,
subjugated by every bellow?
They say the colour of cowardice is yellow.
Or is it the purple of our bruised pride?
Is it more a slow brown stew?
What do you hide? Is it
your leaden defeat and inaction?
The spilt blood of your rage’s actions?
Have you considered Agent Orange’s
decades’ long legacy?
Have you noticed the seeping
of septic envy? It seems that fear
can make up a whole rainbow coalition.
Can you give up fear for Lent,
maybe just for one year?
Bee Smith facilitates Word Alchemy Creative Writing Workshops in West Cavan and is on the Irish Art Council’s Writers in Prisons panel. Her articles can be found widely across the blogosphere. She is the author of “Brigid’s Way: Celtic Reflections on the Divine Feminine” available as an ebook on Amazon. BrigidsWay.
I’m the new broad in town, so let me introduce myself:
Susie Golightly; been rhymin’ since I was twelve.
I never thought a skinny white girl could rap off-the-cuff.
I wasn’t like the Lady of Rage who rocked tough and stuff.
I used to rap in front of the mirror into my microphone hand,
“Me, Myself, and I,” and “Parents Just Don’t Understand.”
But I’ll never forget that day I heard his whiney voice say,
“Hi! My name is… Slim Shady.”
I was hooked in an instant, drawn to his wit like a magnet.
A lyrical genius, spitting out nonsense that made sense.
I was no longer afraid to express myself.
Had more words in my head than a 40-foot bookshelf.
GoGo Rusha was born, and then Susie Golightly.
Both personas were known to bring life to the party.
Susie boozy slippin’ everyone roofies.
Life was so surreal it felt like the movies.
Sleepin’ all day, slangin’ all night,
higher than balloons, livin’ the circus life.
I’d seen more criminals and crazies than a penitentiary,
realized my life was a waste; too rudimentary.
So, I got out the game and back into college.
Earned my M.A. and gained book knowledge.
Half street – half geek,
could’ve been a cop on 21 Jump Street.
A Girl, Interrupted – my personality disorder: petulant borderline.
I’ve been corrupted, like Tyler Durden, got two beautiful minds –
Call me the Madd Rapper, lost in a land of jibber-jabber.
Fell to the bottom of this hole and I can’t find a ladder.
So, it’s home sweet home in this underground rap pack,
And I’m keepin’ the Beat alive like my hero Jack Kerouac –
Doo be doo be doo, it’s the hepcat crew –
bringing it to you on the ones and twos,
makin’ the scene, livin’ life on the brink.
Droppin’ bomb beats six feet deep,
‘cause society condemns what it doesn’t understand.
Escaped the callous world into this wonderland –
This place is so dope, think I’m gonna stay awhile.
So, pass that hookah Absolem, and let’s smoke some freestyles
After centuries of living with nothing, but my love to you, friends,
I found myself surrounded by the luxury of feelings and I am safe
now, I am alive, I am breathing again, but where were you, my friends,
when I was broken? I am calm now, but where were you my friends
when the emptiness encircled me and I was afraid? Where are the friends
when I need them most? I was yearning for knowledge, but from this
day on, I don’t want to know a thing except for, will I be able or not
to love you again, friends. Maybe everything and maybe nothing that I
have given or maybe not given away will ever be really as mine, as my
own breath? Hello friends, I found you after centuries of living with nothing
but my expectations — our life is what our expectations are. I thank you all.
“The camera gave me an incredible freedom. It gave me the ability to parade through the world and look at people and things very, very closely.” Carrie Mae Weems, photographer